


A Most Dangerous Method

by fangirlSevera



Series: Broverse [15]
Category: From Beyond (1986), Re-Animator (1985)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Twins, psych evals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-03
Updated: 2012-07-03
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlSevera/pseuds/fangirlSevera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Herbert undergoes psychiatric evaluations with a certain Dr. McMichaels. Dan displays some deviousness. Crawford has cookies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Most Dangerous Method

It was Dan's fault, as most things were. Dan made the deal with that nurse. Dan was the one who had gone out, gotten himself in trouble, and drugged. Therefore, it was on Dan that Herbert _had_ to have words with the previously mentioned nurse, which forced her to go whine to hospital administration about "harassment." 

And that's how Herbert West ended up on probation with mandatory psychological evaluations to be conducted twice a week for four weeks. Technically, this whole thing was being called "Behavioral Counseling" just to add that extra layer of bullshit. 

The "doctor" looked down at the clipboard in her lap. "I see you have been under psychiatric observation before."

And that's why Herbert hadn't said a damn word since he entered this... Woman's office. He knew how quacks like her loved to take anything said, even a simple greeting, and pick the words apart to make wild inaccurate assumptions about a person's mental state. 

"Herbert..."

His eye twitched. He bit his lip to stop himself from automatically correcting her. Surely she'd find something remarkable in his insistence to be called "Dr. West" by the likes of her. 

She sighed and removed her glasses. When he first saw this Dr. McMichaels, he immediately disliked her face. And now, without her glasses, he found it absolutely repulsive. He grimaced and looked at a vase of artificial flowers by the arm of the couch he was on instead.

"I know you're not here of your own choosing, but fighting this won't help. Your boss will be receiving recommendations from me. Unwillingness to participate will only prolong these sessions, not end them, and threaten your job. I'm only here to help." She smiled. Herbert wanted to slap her.

She slipped her glasses back on and glanced at her notes again. "Why don't we start with why you're here. You do know why, don't you?"

Herbert blinked at her.

"Would you say you find it difficult to get along with all your coworkers, or just the women?"

Just the women who ever put their filthy whore hands on Dan. Herbert crossed his arms, face impassive. 

"You can admit there is at least one colleague you get along with."

Just because he and Dan lived together, and were even (for a lack of more applicable word) lovers, it definitely didn't mean they "got along." They had even fought again that morning when Herbert wasn't planning on attending this appointment.

"You're lucky the hospital admin just had some New Age-y seminar and you still have your job. Just grit your teeth and get it over with," Dan had said.

"I know why you want me to go. You think it will 'do me some good.'"

"It might. And even if it doesn't, I don't care. You need your job!"

Herbert harrumphed and tried standing his ground, being an unmovable object. Unfortunately, Dan was a strong and quite moveable force, capable of grabbing Herbert and shoving him in the car. 

"You and Dr. Cain had been through some very traumatic experiences together. You must be quite close."

Herbert sighed, bored.

"You're not the first person to try this tactic, Herbert. I must warn you, I do not give up. The bigger the challenge, the more determined I become. We can sit here in silence for your remaining time, if you wish. Even next time. Let me just bring-up one more topic: How do you get along with your family?"

Herbert's fingers twitched, his nostrils flared slightly. What did they have to do with any of this? So like a shrink to go wildly off-topic. There was no focus in their so-called science. McMichaels smirked and hummed as she wrote. "I think today had been quite enlightening." Off his confused expression, she explained. "Our involuntary physical reactions to certain words and phrases can be as telling and more truthful than anything you may have actually said."

Herbert scowled, stood, and left the office.

* * *

"It was insufferable!" Herbert ranted, pacing the lab. He grabbed beakers at random. "This bitch just sat there asking the most inane questions, none of which I responded to, and still she decided to make notes based off 'involuntary reactions' or some psycho-babble nonsense!"

"I think you're making it harder on yourself than necessary," Dan said. "I think-"

"No one cares what you think."

"I think you should just play along. Tell her what she wants to hear, even if it isn't the truth. Just say whatever will help get it over with."

Herbert stopped his pacing. He leaned on a table. "You're encouraging me to lie to the shrink?"

"Sure, maybe still add a grain of truth here or there, to sell it. She'll think she helped you make some kind of breakthrough, you get back to work."

The idea was so simple and manipulative that Herbert should have come up with it himself. He had let his annoyance get in the way. He leered at Dan. "When you talk like that, it makes me actually want to have sex with you." He came around the table and grabbed Dan by the shirt, pulling him down for a kiss. "I keep telling people you're more clever than you look."

"Who do you have to say that to?"

Herbert distracted him with another kiss. He kept a hold on Dan's shirt, pulling out of the lab. "Sex now, insecurities later."

"This sort of thing? You lie about."

* * *

"Good morning, Herbert," Dr. McMichaels greeted.

"Morning," Herbert replied, ignoring her extended hand.

Dan had reminded him not to overplay it. "Or else she'll know you're just jerking her around."

"You're telling _me_ how to be emotionally manipulative?" Herbert grinned. "I lo-" He stopped himself, eyes wide.

Dan's eyes were just about as big. "Were you about to say-"

"No." Herbert could feel his face heating.

"Yes!"

"I have to go to my appointment, Dan!" Herbert nearly fell out of the car in his haste to leave it.

He pushed the moment from his mind. He had to focus on one problem at a time.

Dr. McMichaels brightened at his response. "Have you decided to be more cooperative today?"

Herbert sat on the couch across from her and crossed his arms. "I've been persuaded."

"So, do you want to talk about why you're here?"

"Not really, but I suppose I have to."

"Go on then, tell me why you're here."

"It's in your notes."

"Yes, but I want to hear you say it."

Herbert gritted his teeth. Of all the aggravating, juvenile... "A nurse complained I had spoken to her in a threatening, hostile manner."

"And did you?"

"I was upset with her. I'm sure my displeasure was conveyed in my tone."

"Are you often upset with your coworkers?"

Constantly, because they were all idiots. Most didn't feel the need to go whine about it when Herbert pointed it out to them. "Isn't everyone?"

She made an amused hum behind a tight smile. "What was it in particular that compelled you to want to scare Miss Amber?” 

Amber? Was that her last name? Tiffany Amber. That _would_ be her name. "My intention was not to scare."

"Then what was your intention?"

"A friendly warning."

Her eyes narrowed. "There may be a difference between what you consider friendly and what others do."

Not a revelation. As for the original question: "She's a troublemaker."

"You are referring to an incident outside the hospital, involving Dr. Cain."

"She's a bad influence."

"So, you were merely protecting your friend."

"Yes."

"Do you often feel the need to be protective of your friends?"

The plural was presumptive. Protective was never a word he had heard before in regards to his relationship with Dan. Possessive, yes. Dan did require direction and had on occasion needed guidance away from the influence of others. Herbert was protective of his work. Dan was part of his work. So, "I guess so."

"Dr. Cain is very important to you."

That made him recall the almost-an-incident in the car. It made his chest tighten. Herbert West was not prone to panic attacks. He was told he had one following Gruber's death, but he didn't remember. He decided he was definitely not having one now. At least, not in front of anyone. 

"I'm done here," he announced and made for the door.

McMichaels launched herself from her own seat and blocked the exit. "I think we're just starting."

Herbert's fingers twitched and flexed, wishing for a weapon. 

"I think we need to talk about your relationship with Dr. Cain."

Like hell he did! He had _talked_ about it far too much for his own liking already. He had people talk _at_ him about his relationship with Dan. There was no talking left to have. It was what it was, and it was just fine. "You can't force me to stay."

"No," she admitted. Although, she looked like she really wanted to find away to make him. 

"What does it matter? This isn't about that. I'm here because of a professional complaint, not my personal life. Or is this how you get off, digging into unrelated, intimate details of-"

Her face changed from placating to surprised delight. "Your relationship _is_ intimate?" Her eyes flicked to the notepad left in her chair. "Are you in love with him?"

That word made him snap. The vase of fake flowers was within reach. He grabbed it, dumped the plastic, and brandished it with menace. 

McMichaels put up her hands. "Dr. West, if you attempt violence, it'll only be worse for you. The police will be called and your psychiatric care will take a whole new direction.” 

Herbert smirked. If she only knew how often he "attempted violence" and even killed. He was none the worse for it. The again, those times didn't involve a receptionist on the other side of the door.

He lowered the vase. McMichaels relaxed, too, as he set it back on the table. When she smiled at him, he had every urge to pick it back up and throw it at her face. But he resisted. They watched each other carefully. As he made small, halting steps back to the couch, she inched away from the door.

When she was far enough away, Herbert made his break for it. She did nothing to physically stop him this time, but shouted after him something about all of this going on record.

Out in the street, Herbert remembered he was on the other side of town and Dan wouldn't be picking him up for another forty-five minutes. Well, he wasn't going to hang around. He started walking.

He was still seething over that woman. The walk did nothing to calm him, only to let him mull over his loathing and frustration. He was so caught-up in his thoughts, he paid no mind to where he was going nor the world around him at large. It was inevitable, then, that he was going to walk right into someone. And given the kind of day Herbert was having, it was also inevitable that someone turned out to be one of the very last people he wanted to deal with now, or ever.

"Oh! Hi, Herbert."

Herbert grunted at his brother and kept walking, his pace quicker now.

But Crawford being Crawford, he couldn't take the hint, and followed. "You look upset. What are you doing this side of town? Why aren't you at work? Is it something Dan's done?"

Herbert spun around. He grabbed Crawford's throat in one hand, shoving him against the nearest building. "Enough questions," he growled. "I'm sick of questions. And my moods, my life does not revolve around Dan!"

"I didn't say it did!" Crawford wheezed.

A couple of passersby gave them concerned looks. Herbert removed his hand. He gave his brother another shove and started walking again.

"Well... Uh..." Crawford, _still_ following, the annoying corgi. "You do need a ride." He chose his words carefully, desperate to not make it a question. 

"I'll be fine."

"The car's just-"

"Don't care."

"Do you – I mean – If you need to talk."

"Crawford!" Herbert spun around again, both hands curled in a throat-grasping pose. 

Crawford took a step back. "Okay, no talking. How about a cookie instead?" He flinched, realizing he forgot to try and make it a statement. 

Herbert lowered his hands and sniffed at the little paper bag Crawford held up. "What kind?"

"Oatmeal."

Herbert titled his head in the beginnings of a refusal, but then decided he should at least get one decent thing out of this terrible morning. He reached in the bag and took one. His fingers itched for throttling again at the way Crawford lit-up, like Herbert taking the baked good was some kind of victory.

"If I do let you drive me home," Herbert said, after taking a couple bites, "you have to promise not to talk to me at all."

"Okay."

"Starting now."

Crawford opened his mouth and took a breath. Herbert held up a finger. "Starting _now_." 

Crawford nodded and motioned for Herbert to follow him. He was good as his word, although Herbert could tell from the furrowed brow and pouting lips that Crawford was dying to talk. When they stopped outside the house, he did try again, but Herbert got out and slammed the door behind him before Crawford could complete the first syllable.

Back in the comforting confines of his lab, Herbert distracted himself by dissecting everything within reach. He took special pleasure in messing with a deer heart he picked-up at the butchers, a side-stop he forced Crawford into. He'd been home for half an hour before the phone rang. 

When he answered, the response was "What the fuck, Herbert!"

"I should have called, let you know I found my own way home."

"I spoke to the receptionist. She said you _ran_ from your appointment early."

"Exaggeration."

Dan sighed heavily. "At least I know you're home. See you in a few." He hung up.

Anticipating a lecture, and not ready yet to look at Dan after this morning, Herbert barred the lab door from the inside. Herbert ignored the pounding that started, indicating Dan's return. The door was thick, and no matter how much Dan shouted, Herbert could only hear unintelligible muffles. Herbert smirked. Dan would tire out and give-up after some time. Herbert had no issue with staying right where he was. He'd slept in the lab before, and there was a stash of soda and chips if he had to wait that long.

Dan did take occasional breaks, but then come back for more ineffectual knocking and shouting. Around 3 a.m. he gave up entirely and must have gone to bed. The pounding resumed the next morning, waking Herbert up. Relenting a little, Herbert unbolted the door and opened it the slightest crack, just so he could see Dan's face. "I'm not talking about it."

"I'm not here for that. Thought you might want breakfast, coffee."

Herbert sensed a trap. "No."

"You can't stay down here forever."

"I can. I'll adapt. My eyes will enlarge and my skin will go from pale to translucent."

"As attractive as that sounds, I'll call this shrink of yours and see if she's willing to make house calls."

Herbert scowled. Dan would do it. _She_ would do it. And Herbert really really didn't want Dan and that psycho-doctor meeting. The mere idea made his gut churn. He took a deep breath and stepped outside. Dan smiled in approval.

Herbert followed him upstairs where he sat down with a cup of coffee. Dan made scrambled eggs, piling them on Herbert's plate. "I think you're sabotaging yourself," Dan said.

"I thought we weren't talking about this."

"I lied."

"I suspected."

"I don't understand why this is so difficult for you. How'd you pass the evals in Switzerland?"

"The doctors were better. All psychiatrists are morons. They were just less moronic than this woman."

"Is it because she's a woman? I could talk to Vale, see if we can pass you off onto a guy if it'll make you more comfortable."

"You should talk to him and get me off suspension, stop these sessions."

"Herbert, Dr. McMichaels is probably already submitting reports. Your lack of cooperation, leaving appointments early, will end up convincing hospital admin that you're unstable and you'll be fired. Then what will you do?"

Herbert shrugged. "Find work elsewhere."

"Yeah, good luck with that without Jeanine's help."

Herbert bristled. "I had never needed her help. She just interfered before I had a chance to prove otherwise!"

"Dammit, Herbert! All you have to do is _pretend_ to be normal. Can't you do that at all?"

"Apparently not."

Dan slumped in his chair, poked at his eggs and thought. After a minute, he perked back up. "I could sedate you."

"What?"

"Yeah, so she can't piss you off so quickly. It'll keep you calm, make the experience less painful for you, too."

"I don't like not being alert."

"It won't be too much. Wouldn’t want you falling asleep in there."

Herbert shook his head.

Somehow, by the following week, Dan had convinced him. Before leaving the house, Dan had given him a sedative and a kiss for encouragement. 

"You better have a large cup of coffee with you when you pick me up," Herbert warned, slowly undoing his seatbelt.

Everything was slower. He didn't like it, but at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to care about not liking it. Just like the doctor's face, having to look at it again. He absently noted that breakable and small, heavy objects had all been removed from the room. 

"I'm surprised, but happy to see you again, Herbert. Especially since you seem a lot calmer than last time."

Herbert only tilted his head and blinked heavily at her. She eyed him, clearly knowing something was off about his behavior. But she continued without any comment on the matter. "Well, I can assure you that when a subject comes up to which a patient is clearly not ready to address yet, I know when to back off from it. So, there’s no need to talk about what set you off last week. Unless you want to." 

Herbert's silence made it pretty clear he did not.

"Perhaps we should focus on these aggressive outbursts. Were you exposed to much violence as a child?"

"If you mean, did I see daddy hitting mommy? No. Nor were they violent disciplinarians. They were dull, normal parents. I had a dull, normal childhood."

"Forgive me, but you may not be the best judge of what is 'normal' by modern psychological and social standards."

"You’re not the first to say so."

"What about your sister? Was she ever violent?"

"We fight as siblings do. She's hideously dull and normal."

She hummed and made notes. "And your brother?"

Herbert laughed. "My file must say that we weren't raised together. Even if we were, Crawford's as violent as a doe." And as easy a target.

McMichaels tapped her pen against her pad. "Some people, men usually, who lash out have a tendency to be dealing with repression, typically involving their sexuality." Herbert had wondered how long it would take for Freud to rear his ugly head. "You can tell me. Anything you say here is just between us."

"Except what you report to my boss."

"It's recommendations, not details. So, how is your sex life?" 

"None of your business."

"Are you sexually active?"

"See previous answer."

"Are you a virgin?"

Herbert was getting annoyed again. Dan's sedative kept it there, not letting it become anything more. He considered telling her "Yes" and see what she would make of that. Perhaps she'd say that his aversion to women was to do with a string of rejections or being sexually intimidated by them. He wondered which flight of fancy she'd go with. But spiteful teasing wasn't going to get him back to work sooner. 

He told her the truth and added, "And that's all you need to know." If she pressed, he didn't care how comfortable her couch was today, he'd walk out again.

She didn't. The session ended on time with McMichaels happy and Herbert sleepy. "I think we made real progress today," she said.

"If you say so," Herbert said on his way out the door, letting the day's conversation slide away from his mind. In the parking lot, Dan was leaning against his car, waving a large coffee to-go cup at Herbert who latched onto it like a lifeline. 

"How'd it go?" Dan asked.

Finally detaching himself from the cup, Herbert said, "We may both survive this yet if the next weeks are similar to today."

The following sessions were much easier on both patient and doctor. It amused Herbert at how she seemed to think the change in his demeanor was due to some sort of progress they had made together. If she had suspected drugs, she didn't say anything about it, which would also have been some poor doctoring. His answers to her questions were generally short, and never too detailed. The sedative made it hard to concentrate sometimes, but the lack of over-thinking was what helped keep him there and deal with her prattling.

On the last day of his mandatory sessions, Dr. McMichaels expressed an interest in keeping him on as a patient if he so chose. Herbert soundly declined. "Well, you have my number, should you change your mind. Your bosses will be happy to hear that not only are you willing to, but you are able to control some of your more hostile tendencies."

Herbert wanted to laugh in her face. Idiot woman, so easily duped. "You've been very helpful." He nearly choked on the platitude, but this was his last chance to really sell it.

"Oh, I can't take all the credit. Most of it is on you. Plus, I suspect the influence of a third party... Has Dr. Cain been supportive these past few weeks?"

Oh yes, and in so many ways she would have disapproved of. It made him happy and warm to think of it. An even happier thought was leaving this office for the last time, grabbing that coffee Dan would have waiting for him in the car, and being done with this whole damned charade.

She stood and offered him her hand. He looked at it. He looked up at her irritating face, and quirked an eyebrow. She lowered her hand, clasping it back around her notepad. "Right. Well, it's been fascinating."

"If you say so." He left.

Herbert collapsed in the passenger seat. Dan handed him his drink. "So, how'd it go?" Dan asked.

"She's a self-important moron. Convinced she's fixed me."

"So, you think her report will be good? You'll be back at work soon?"

"She didn't really say. But I think so." He took a long drink of the hot coffee. He sat back and sighed as the caffeine starting pouring life back into his limbs and brain. He opened his eyes to find Dan smiling fondly at him. Herbert frowned. "What?"

"You _are_ much easier to get along with like this. I just might keep you this way."

"And I'll inject you with modified re-agent in your sleep."

"Okay, fair enough. No non-consensual injections. It's a promise almost as good as an engagement."

"Shut up and drive."

**Author's Note:**

> This series is coming to a close soon. In fact, this is the second-to-last story I had planned. Some time this month will be the last one. Not to say I may not occasionally come back and revisit this 'verse in the future. But, after the next one, I have nothing planned.


End file.
